Wait till Dad gets home!
I wrote this article for Canaan Voices (Sept 2007 issue):
HOW not to be intimidated? I’m not talking about a domineering boss, bungee-jumping or even climbing Mount Everest. My concerns are more down-to-earth and ordinary but no less scary.
Okay, here goes. I worry a lot at being … wait for it … a Dad. It’s something that has terrified me for years. How (or why) do some people do it, I wonder.
With my two children long past the infant stage, you must think that I’m half way there. Actually, the worries mount. You know how people say that our children’s lives are like a white piece of paper when they start out? I shudder to think what it looks like at this stage in their lives.
A Dad is supposed to be a role model to their children. All the time. Not easy. When one is plain tired after a difficult day at the office (“go ask Mum!”), when you just want to let your hair down (okay, pig out), when you want to relive some crazy moments of your youth (playing an imaginary guitar riff to the accompaniment of rock music and gyrating nymphs on DVD), when you just want to curse (okay, this is bad)… in these vulnerable moments, Dad becomes A Bad Example.
Too harsh? Let me ease you into the intimidating bit first.
* You’re a father. Which means they look up to you for everything. You are supposed to know everything. And when you don’t, the look of disappointment in their eyes is crushing. It may be imagined but I tell you, it’s as real as can be in your mind.
* You’re a father. Which means you’re supposed to read to them/bond with them every night before they sleep. And when you don’t, because you had a very long day and you really, really want to catch C.S.I. (which you don’t allow them to watch because of the gore), they’ll have that sad puppy dog look again.
* You’re a father. Which means you are not supposed to be scared of the dark. But it’s midnight and that scene from Exorcist is still playing in your mind (yes, yes, I should have gotten over that by now). Your son wants you to get his stuff from the back room but you are acutely aware that the neighbour behind your house is having a wake. With strange sounds coming from there, do you gulp down your fear or show him just how much of a scaredy-cat Dad is?
* You’re a father. Which means what you say or do is etched in their memory… forever. So think twice before laying down a rule which you will never recall in the months ahead. One painful example: No reading papers or having the television on when dinner is served. You conveniently forget this silly rule when your favourite Hong Kong drama is aired. I can tell you it’s not easy getting through dinner with the children chiding you, the missus giving you dagger stares and you having to concentrate on the drama as well. As for reading while enjoying your meal, sigh, isn’t that one of the little pleasures in life?
* You’re a father. Which means you stand for everything that matter in their lives. Basically, this means you must plan, save, guide, chauffeur, love and protect them forever. It also means you must always give in, trust and leave everything to God if they grow up one day and choose to undo all that you have planned, saved and guided them to do. No wonder Dads have high blood pressure and little hair.
Okay, now for why being a Dad is good.
· Deep down, you like being a Dad. At the end of the day, when all the work’s done, when all the bumps have been smoothed over, when the noisy chatter and laughter of the house wind down, somehow being a father suddenly makes you feel privileged. You look into their trusting eyes as you ruffle their hair and kiss them goodnight and you know you have, for now at least, a special place in their lives.
· You get to lord over them. Occasionally, they protest but most of the time what you say goes. It’s a heavy responsibility but hey, someone’s got to hang on to the remote. As for other, more mundane life-changing decisions, there’s always the Missus.
· I get to buy stuff for myself under the pretext that the children will enjoy them too. Sure, Junior deserves his Gameboy but Dad gets to go a few rounds with the bad guys on the PS2 too!
So yes, despite myself, I’m actually enjoying the challenge of being a Dad. At moments of stress, I take a deep breath and plod ahead, knowing that, heh heh, there’s no getting out of this one.
I may complain loudly at having to turn back home for their buku kerja just as I am reaching the school gates, I may balk at having to give up my precious leisure moments to chauffeur them some place, I may feel financially pressured having to save for their education… but I tell you, nothing beats the warm glow inside when your little one puts his or her hand inside your palm so trustingly when you cross the street. So there!
Ephesians 6:1-4: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother— which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
HOW not to be intimidated? I’m not talking about a domineering boss, bungee-jumping or even climbing Mount Everest. My concerns are more down-to-earth and ordinary but no less scary.
Okay, here goes. I worry a lot at being … wait for it … a Dad. It’s something that has terrified me for years. How (or why) do some people do it, I wonder.
With my two children long past the infant stage, you must think that I’m half way there. Actually, the worries mount. You know how people say that our children’s lives are like a white piece of paper when they start out? I shudder to think what it looks like at this stage in their lives.
A Dad is supposed to be a role model to their children. All the time. Not easy. When one is plain tired after a difficult day at the office (“go ask Mum!”), when you just want to let your hair down (okay, pig out), when you want to relive some crazy moments of your youth (playing an imaginary guitar riff to the accompaniment of rock music and gyrating nymphs on DVD), when you just want to curse (okay, this is bad)… in these vulnerable moments, Dad becomes A Bad Example.
Too harsh? Let me ease you into the intimidating bit first.
* You’re a father. Which means they look up to you for everything. You are supposed to know everything. And when you don’t, the look of disappointment in their eyes is crushing. It may be imagined but I tell you, it’s as real as can be in your mind.
* You’re a father. Which means you’re supposed to read to them/bond with them every night before they sleep. And when you don’t, because you had a very long day and you really, really want to catch C.S.I. (which you don’t allow them to watch because of the gore), they’ll have that sad puppy dog look again.
* You’re a father. Which means you are not supposed to be scared of the dark. But it’s midnight and that scene from Exorcist is still playing in your mind (yes, yes, I should have gotten over that by now). Your son wants you to get his stuff from the back room but you are acutely aware that the neighbour behind your house is having a wake. With strange sounds coming from there, do you gulp down your fear or show him just how much of a scaredy-cat Dad is?
* You’re a father. Which means what you say or do is etched in their memory… forever. So think twice before laying down a rule which you will never recall in the months ahead. One painful example: No reading papers or having the television on when dinner is served. You conveniently forget this silly rule when your favourite Hong Kong drama is aired. I can tell you it’s not easy getting through dinner with the children chiding you, the missus giving you dagger stares and you having to concentrate on the drama as well. As for reading while enjoying your meal, sigh, isn’t that one of the little pleasures in life?
* You’re a father. Which means you stand for everything that matter in their lives. Basically, this means you must plan, save, guide, chauffeur, love and protect them forever. It also means you must always give in, trust and leave everything to God if they grow up one day and choose to undo all that you have planned, saved and guided them to do. No wonder Dads have high blood pressure and little hair.
Okay, now for why being a Dad is good.
· Deep down, you like being a Dad. At the end of the day, when all the work’s done, when all the bumps have been smoothed over, when the noisy chatter and laughter of the house wind down, somehow being a father suddenly makes you feel privileged. You look into their trusting eyes as you ruffle their hair and kiss them goodnight and you know you have, for now at least, a special place in their lives.
· You get to lord over them. Occasionally, they protest but most of the time what you say goes. It’s a heavy responsibility but hey, someone’s got to hang on to the remote. As for other, more mundane life-changing decisions, there’s always the Missus.
· I get to buy stuff for myself under the pretext that the children will enjoy them too. Sure, Junior deserves his Gameboy but Dad gets to go a few rounds with the bad guys on the PS2 too!
So yes, despite myself, I’m actually enjoying the challenge of being a Dad. At moments of stress, I take a deep breath and plod ahead, knowing that, heh heh, there’s no getting out of this one.
I may complain loudly at having to turn back home for their buku kerja just as I am reaching the school gates, I may balk at having to give up my precious leisure moments to chauffeur them some place, I may feel financially pressured having to save for their education… but I tell you, nothing beats the warm glow inside when your little one puts his or her hand inside your palm so trustingly when you cross the street. So there!
Ephesians 6:1-4: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother— which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
posted by fonglah at 1:59 PM
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